原则问题……

总有一天，我会被自己的原则害死……
yeah.. i know. i know. i know.

for the nth time i'm questioning myself, how much isit worth anyway?!
but.. still.. i kept sticking by my own principals. it's sth NOT MANY WILL AGREE ON LA.

zZz shitty feeling.
take for example, to me.. 做错事认错就好了咯，被骂也是活该……又不会死掉…… maybe that's why i feel so pissed off today when ppl dont admit their mistakes and start pointing fingers/AC. that's when i start giving names to ppl.

i know it's wrong/mean of me to give ppl names but.. yeah. i alr did. words that are said, cannot be taken back right?!
.. burst out all my anger today. not exactly anger in any forms just, contradictingly, because i feeel that making mistakes is inevitable and there's no point covering up. tsk it's just hard to explain la..

after turning one whole round, it's just a matter of.. difference in principals. how we handle things. maybe to me, alot of things is.. 又不会死掉……

hmm another example was ytd.. when kaya started saying some hurtful words of how.. i indirectly made a newbie have to restart his duty again. again, it has sth to do with my stupid theory of 原则…… to me, it's better to realise mistakes, redo it immediately than... being pointed out the next day YOU KNOW?! by then, it's too late to redo alr.

... his words were a lil tmd wtf to me. because srly, to me.. 包庇 is the stupidest thing on earth. but yes, to him.. it's a diff story. i felt so much better when laopa also told him it is 原则问题……and responsibility. (it's another HOW MUCH ISIT WORTH ANYWAY kind of thing actually-but another thing that i think is very much needed in this society lo.) felt better because.. finally one person understand this whole damn thing abt principals. because kaya dont get it in anyway.

it suck. it suck. it suck.
when ppl dont get it and start saying hurtful words w/o realising. then saying 不是故意的，只是开玩笑…… come on la, it's not even funny or what.

(i hate to admit this but it suck when ppl pin point you for sth you did out of rly goodwill.. and no point apologising to me actually, because it dont matter alr when those words were said, anyway)

came home from halfday feeling shitty.
went to take a nap to prevent myself from thinking too much abt this whole stupid damn thinking of mine and also because i slept at freaking 3am because of msn chat with sheryl and boo. rofl that one. but i actually woke up feeling even more shitty. zZz.

i dont like it when principals get in the way. maybe i should just stop sticking by principals, close both eyes, endure all nonsense.... take things as lightly as possible.

yes my dears. i know i'll 死得快一点 if i actually change my ways and all, just to blend into this big environment. but.. isnt that how this big world is expecting of us? -to blend in?!

哎呀就算要改变，也是需要时间的…… after ONE WHOLE YEAR OF WORKING EXPERIENCE, i actually still didnt learn how to handle my emotions well enough hur. i always let anger took over the better part of me. tsk this spells disappointment in myself.

i guess, maybe it's because i'm stuck at the age of.. awkwardness of growing up. that's when you tend to be stuck in the middle of nowhere. that's why i tend to speak to adults more because i believe they have been thru that alr.